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Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
I did not have a good night sleep. Lots of tossing, turning and coughing(stupid chest cold). I finally gave up at 5:30. I flicked through email and facebook on my iPhone but decided if I was up I’d might as well get in a workout. With the chest cold I wasn’t up for a run but figured I would do some strength training in the basement. As I mentioned, I had my iPhone which apparently in an otherwise dark room reflects nicely off the bedroom door, providing the illusion that it is open. Yes, I walked into the door, which was actually partially open, slamming it closed and knocking me on my backside. The slamming door woke up Melissa and Joshua. I tried to convince Joshua that it wasn’t morning yet. He was not convinced and was loud enough in his disagreement to wake up Elijah. Both kids are up and clearly still tired. Of course I have to go to work, so I won’t be the one dealing with the results of my klutziness. Sorry Honey!
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Not too long after I bought my first Condo I started getting calls for a Winifred Feldman. I would politely explain that my last name is Feldman, but I am not related to nor do I know anyone by the name of Winifred. I have moved twice since then and it would seem she is still following me. Today I was not so polite when someone called my cell phone for the umpteenth time. I reminder her that I was pretty sure I spoke to her last week – same number and same voice, and that is is not OK that she keeps calling my cell phone. Take me off your list. I am not not now nor have I ever been a Winifred, an 80’s actor and I do not wear my sun glasses at night, so I can, so I can… Vent/Rant Over.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
I am not ready for this. Melissa, she is ready. Josh, he is ready. I am sure even Elijah is ready for the more one on one time he will get with Mommy once Josh starts preschool (though Eli obviously has no idea). I am not ready, not even close. I know I fall slightly on the overprotective side of the parenting fence, but that is really only part of the issue. Sure I have thought about randomly swinging by the school to make sure the doors are locked. And I hate that we live in a world were a synagogue/preschool feels the need to line the border of the property with “decorative” boulders. But much of my trepidation isn’t really about security. It is a good school, we checked it out thoroughly and have many neighbors/friends with kids there. What I think really bothers me most is just how fast time is moving.
I decided to not work through lunch today. I took some time to read some blogs and write this post. One of the blogs I read belongs to my friend Jodi. Her current (at least at the time of this draft – she is a far more prolific writer then I) blog post has a picture of her little boy when he was an infant. Her next post down shows him just the other day. The difference was startlingly. I haven’t asked her, but I would be shocked if she said that time has done anything but flown by. After I read her post, I browsed though some of my favorite pictures of the kids on my iPhone. I can’t believe how much Josh has changed over the course of his 2 1/2 years and Elijah over his 7 months. Every day I come home from work to find one or both of them have learned some new thing or have done something for the very first time.
I enjoy my job; I work for a good company and the reality is I can’t be there the way I would like. But I do feel like a missing so much. It makes these milestones bittersweet, but I supposed that is the taste of life.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
I have the privilege of knowing some incredible people, people who had the misfortune of being victims of child abuse. They took their very personal horrors and used it to fashion unimaginable internal strength. They have become incredible parents, teachers, counselors and productive members of society. I am inspired and awed that such good came out of such pain.
Here is where I am going to over share. Well, I don’t think of it as over sharing, some might, but I don’t and it is my life so WTF. I have nothing to be embarrassed about and I think it will do me some good to get this out there. As a child I was exposed to an abusive extended family member. I am not going to name names, but anyone who knows my family can probably take an educated guess. If anyone wants to know who, I will be happy to share offline. For the record, the type of abuse I was exposed to was mostly emotional. I also don’t want to suggest that a handful of incidents can in anyway compare the horrors faced by those exposed to chronic and pervasive abuse. But I have recently come to realize what a lifelong impact that even these comparatively minor incidents have had on my life.
Today I am going to share one such incident. When I was a child I was at my grandparents who lived in a high rise in North Bethesda. Interestingly enough the same high rise I bought my first condo in. This “relative”, not my Grandfather (not that he was model parental figure either) thought it would be funny to hang me from the 10th story balcony. He swung me back and forth, and then he actually threw me up in the air, fortunately catching me.
It was shortly after this I started climbing things – trees, poles, houses, etc. I realize now I was attempting to get back control he took from me. I would decide how high I climbed and the higher the better. I was never going to allow myself to be afraid like that again. By the time I was 10 years old, I was doing cartwheels and handstands on railings and rooftop edges. I have no doubt that much if not all of my often reckless thrill-seeking behaviors stemmed from this one event.
For a long time I held on to more anger from the incident that I care to admit. I do however wonder, who would I be today had that not occurred. I am likely a better parent then I might otherwise have been, but I am sure I could/would have developed those same protective skills – your a parent, your job is to keep your children safe.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Last night sometime – Showered, change into fresh and clean workout clothes, took sleeping pill and read until I fell asleep
5:30 am – Alarm, hit sleep timer
5:41 am – Alarm, got up. (Already dressed in gym clothes sans shoes)
6:15 am – brewed double shot espresso
6:20 am – Deiced windshield and made my way to gym
6:35 am – Started treadmill and last night’s Daily show on my iPhone
I seem to be missing 34 minutes between getting out of bed and brewing my espresso. I did check my email, deleted a few junk mails that slipped through the filter and confirmed one person on facebook. Total computer time 3 minutes – no more. Maybe another minute to put on and tie my running shoes. I didn’t blackout or fall back asleep, yet I have 30 minutes I simply cannot account for?
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Tropical storm/Hurricane whatever came and went this weekend. Shockingly our above ground power lines held and we were not deprived of necessities such as coffee and hot showers. We did however have a roof leak. Climbing on my roof in the middle of a tropical storm is just not as much fun as it sounds. Fortunately we found the leak before it could destroy our memory foam, OMG the best money we have ever spent, bed. My roof was covered end to end in 4 inches of water. It looked like a giant baby pool. I sloshed my way to drain; look down the three stories to our patio and garden (we have a walkout basement), grateful that I have no fear of heights, and see standing water in the gutter housing. I reached in as far as I could – no leaves, no crud, and no luck. The block was probably somewhere down the side of the house. I figured I had two choices. I could stand up there with a bucket for the rest of the storm or I could rip the gutter housing thing off and let the water drain down the side of the building unencumbered. I choose option number two. We have a decent size townhouse; so needless to say, it took a while to drain. I have a gutter person coming out to give me an estimate. My understanding was the previous owners had replaced the roof sometime in the last few years. Hopefully it is under warranty.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
We all have our perceptions of self; things that we see as defining us. Me, I like to think of myself as observant. We moved into our new place about 6 months ago. For the first 3 months I would drive and/or walk by the house pictured below with a general sense of unease. I had a feeling that something was wrong with this house but I could never quite put my finger on it. Now, I didn’t give it a significant amount of attention, which considering the fact I found it slightly disturbing, is probably not unusual. What really bothered me was how long it took me to notice. How quickly did you see it, comment or email, unless of course this is your house, then please note – I think it is a perfectly lovely house.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Melissa and I, well mostly Melissa, had our sonogram last week. There was a beautiful heartbeat and everything appears to be on track for baby number two come February. I’m really glad we are settled into our new place. The desire for baby number two was one of our primary motivations for moving in the first place and we found such a wonderful neighborhood. I always wanted children, but the actual experience is so far above my expectations that I truly don’t have the words to describe. In some ways I think I am more excited this time around. Well that isn’t actually fair to say. It is a very different experience on multiple levels. Since we have been through this before, the fear factor is kept in check. I am doing a much better job of finding a work/life balance and I am really just more present on so many levels that I can’t get into without completely over sharing. Suffice it to say, I am in a much better place emotionally then I have been in sometime.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Ok going to work today smells, feel, practically tastes like the summer school*. I shouldn’t be inside. My day should start off with swim practice, followed by a tennis match. Head over to the driving range to smack the crap out of some gold balls. Play with my friends. Grab some lunch. Kick back with a book poolside. Dive practice. More play time with friends. Meet my parents for an early dinner at the mixed grill. Play with the neighborhood kids and chase fireflies. Book and/or TV. Sleep and repeat.
Don’t get me wrong, regardless of how pampered my childhood seems from this sketch of a better but not completely atypical summer day, I saw my share of dark and crappy things. We all have our scars.
*I was a semi regular summer school attendee. I went to a prep school pre ADA which couldn’t seem to grasp the fact that with even basic accommodations for my dyslexia I would have been a phenomenal student.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Had a wonderful weekend. I didn’t do any writing, but you know what, that is OK. I don’t think I spent more then 15 minutes at my computer all weekend. Not to say I embraced a luddite way of life, I had my trusty iPhone, even made a couple Joshua related blog post straight from the Jesus phone. I did not think about work until I hit the gym this morning – work related reading material in hand. While the pregnant 4pm Friday before a holiday weekend phone call did indeed come, I had left at 2 and no one bothered my cell. What I did do this weekend was spent quality time with my wife and son. We read, gardened, shopped, hung photos on previously barren walls, played with Joshua, rode the CJ Park train and went for walks. Actually Melissa walked and pushed the jogging stroller and I strapped on the roller blades and entertained Joshua with my wheeling around. It was a wonderful weekend filled with family, love and joy. It was a beautiful reminder of why I get up every morning; battle the demons (traffic, work and personal) happily and without reservation.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Looks like we can skip the housekeeper this week.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Joshua is going through a mommy only stage. If Melissa is home, he wants nothing to do with me. We are fine if it is just the two of us, but if he knows Melissa is anywhere around, he will have a fit until she picks him up. I know I am not around as much I would like. But it is not like he doesn’t know who I am, he sees me every morning. I try to give him his bottle. And at least once or twice a week I get home in time to see him before bed. While I may not be so good at the work life balance during the week, I am home most weekends. My two working theories are 1) he remembers that I am the one who held him down when he got his shots. 2) He associates me with Melissa leaving e.g. she will need some down time on the weekend, or is teaching toga class at night, and he he knows he is getting the B team. Of course there is also the third possibility that it is just a phase and he will be back to Daddy Daddy Daddy in no time, well Dada was his first word.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Looks like I am going to have to make another trip to Home Depot, the new vegetation is attracting rabbits. They seem to be coming in under the fence door which has about a 6 inch clearance. I will have to rig something up to block access this weekend. Fortunately the door swings inwards towards the patio, so it shouldn’t be to difficult.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Real Life
Saturday was gardening day. Took a trip to Lowe’s and the Potomac Gardening Center and came away with lots of plants, flowers, herbs and vegetables. I never thought I would get into gardening but I found it relaxing, rejuvenating and was filled with a sense of accomplishment. I think I did a pretty good job and I am really looking forward to the veggies and herbs coming up. I have a few pictures on Flicker if you want to check out the fruits of my labor. Saturday evening, I helped my brother load up a U-haul to help with their impending move. Between the gardening and the packing I was expecting to be pretty sore but I am actually feeling OK.
Sunday morning Melissa taught a Yoga class so I babysat* Joshua. Anyways, we drove to downtown Bethesda, walked around and grabbed some breakfast. We ate in the courtyard in front of Barnes & Nobles and it was good bonding time. Joshua went wild for all of the dogs on show. He really loves animals.
Joshua is now officially a toddler, I wish we caught it on video… He has been cruising and walking with push toys since he was 7 months but refused to take a step without a toy, hand or piece of furniture for assistance. That is until yesterday. Well a couple weeks ago he started to take a few “unassisted” steps. Basically he had to already be walking with a decent amount of forward momentum, and we would have to pull our hand away. We would take a few steps and sit down or dive into the couch. Yesterday was different; I actually got him to take about 19 steps from a standing position. It was pretty amazing to actually get to be there for such a huge first.
Fiction
I got some writing done this weekend and even had a little break through on one of my projects.** My protagonist has a mentor whose motivation for helping I have never quite been able to pin down. Basically I had him call her on it. Hey – why are you helping me… I am not planning on keeping any of it, or at least not most of it. It was more an exercise in understanding. Biggest thing I realized, she is lying and my protag is too damn trusting – going to have to toughen him up.
*Although I don’t think babysitting is the appropriate term when it’s your kid.
**Maybe I would get one done if I actually worked on them one at a time.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Over the years I have had all sorts of coffee makers. Several iterations of the generic ole standard. Then the trusty grind and brew. For a long time I was using a flavia machine. The favia does a pretty decent job on faux latte type drinks, the creamy packs masking the less then stellar coffee; sugar and milk can be very forgiving. Alas I have never had much a sweet tooth so I found I was typically drinking it black. Quite frankly the coffee just wasn’t that good without the special latte packs. It was however quick, clean and easy. The favia machine has since been retired to the basement for the occasional latte or late night herbal tea. The kitchen counter real-estate now holds a blade grinder, hot water maker and my trust old French press. It is cheap, quick, easy to clean, and makes fantastic coffee. It doesn’t hurt that I now buy small quantities of fresh beans. Fresh really does make a difference. Now I have heard the grinder makes a huge difference as well for a couple of reasons. The first being consistency of the grind. The second supposedly blade grinders heat up the coffee and effect to overall flavor. The consistency I get. It’s hard to grind for a French press with a blade grinder. Either the chunks are too big to release all of the coffee goodness or it is too fine and a bit gritty in the cup. I don’t mind a bit of grit, but I typically get a little more then I would like. The heat issue, well I don’t know. People swear they can tell the difference. I am not sure if my palate is that refined. But I am all for a more consistent grind. I have asked Melissa for a Conical Burr grinder for Fathers day. The coffee has been pretty spectacular since the switch, so I guess I can live with a little grit until June.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
This was a good weekend for getting thing things accomplished. And when I say things I mean concrete real world stuff. Unfortunately not one word penned to paper. I did think up a short story involving a disastrously bad President but I quickly realized that it wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t bring myself to make him likeable and any other direction I took it in was just too damn depressing.
Our new community has an annual tradition around Passover where they arrange for the removal of large items*. I believe they give anything in working order to charity and toss the garbage. So I spent Sunday, hauling crap to the curb. Yes, even though we just moved in, we had/have plenty of crap. Some brought with some left behind by the previous owners. I even did a little weeding in the garden. This was after helping fulfill some family obligations** on Saturday.
We finally put up our Mezuzahs on our front and back door. We even said the prayer. Interestingly enough, we pulled out our Judaism for Dummies guide, we realized we had installed it in on the wrong side of the door at our old Condo. Anyway, I really wanted to get it done before Passover and it is done so I feel good about that.
*Our community has a large Orthodox Jewish population and it is common to clean out ones house in preparation for Passover. Growing up I was unaware of this tradition as my family wasn’t particularly observant. Not to say I was completely ignorant of Jewish tradition. I knew enough to know why it was amusing that one of our cousins brought a Ham to a Passover Seder. And the irony was not lost on me that we had a family tradition of breaking the Yum Kippur fast by gorging ourselves on Pork, Crab and Shrimp dishes at our favorite Chinese Restaurant.
** My brother and I hauled bags of mulch from the driveway to the backyard of my parent’s house. Additionally I had the added joy of climbing in to a cobweb infested crawlspace in their basement to turn on their outside water faucet.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Here we have my backup office. If I really need some quiet I can retreat here to get some work done. With two desks I might actually get some writing done! I think Stephen King may have finished his first novel in the laundry room… I do prefer writing on my Mac and sitting in my comfy chair, but a wooden chair and an old Compaq laptop running Ubuntu does fine in a pinch.
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
New workspace in new (to us) townhouse
Originally published at Corey J Feldman. Please leave any comments there.
Home: Closed on both places – moved in and mostly unpacked. Well, the essentials are unpacked, I am afraid we will be living with boxes for sometime. Our new dinning room set will be delivered tomorrow. We had the baby proofing service out this weekend; they will be back to finish the job tomorrow.   Our new couch and Chair & ½ should be here sometime next year (or the end of March). I am very happy to be able to grill again.Â
Josh:  Josh was cleared by both the Pediatrician and Pediatric GI for all foods except shellfish and nuts. Yeah! No more liquid gold formula. More importantly it has been so much fun seeing Josh discover all sorts of new eats. We had a nice little family get together for his first birthday. He cried his way though his first haircut. He is still not walking, which is surprising since he has been cruising (walking along the edge of furniture) and walking if you hold his hand forever. Maybe now that he has some carpet to play on he will take some unassisted steps. Personally I think he just realizes he can get from point A to B much faster by crawling… Â
Melissa: She wonderful as usual. She has been a little stressed about the move and unpacking, but now that things are really coming together she is finally starting to relax. She has had a couple problems with her eyes and the Doctor said no contacts. She hates wearing her glasses but I think they are totally geeky hot. Â
It has been an extraordinarily hectic month and I am working on my third cold of the season(this is crazy not sure what’s up with my immune system). I plan to get all flickred up shortly with some pictures of the new digs and various recent events.
